Orange County All Stars

The Orange County All Stars are from Orange County (see * below), North Carolina, out there in the rolling Piedmont. They are Orange County friends from different bands that like playing any old song they can get their hands on, exclusively. It started as kind of a fill-in gig one night and they had such a blast they decided to do it again whenever they could. It gives them a chance to stretch out beyond the constraints of their other musical projects. When they play, the main thing is to expect the unexpected.

They draw their material from wildly eclectic sources, some say it’s a melting pot of music, others refer to it as an anaerobic digester, breaking down just about anything. On any given night, you could hear the Stones, Little Feat, Ray Wylie Hubbard, David Bowie, Elvis Costello, Delbert McClinton, Procol Harum, Bo Diddly, Hayes Carll, Doors, John Hiatt, Albert Collins, Steely Dan, Cream, Dylan or even an old George Jones song.

What can you say about the band members? Well, for starters:

— Lance (“Too Much Fun”) White keeps Busch and PBR in his refrigerator, along with the weird assortment that he won’t drink that got left from his last labor day party or two. Lance sings and plays rhythm and lead guitars. Dude can cue the end of a song, I tell you what. Just watch him at the end of Polk Salad Annie — that OW! OW! is as crystal clear a cue as you will see between here and the Alamance County line. Lance hails from Pennsylvania, where he survived youthful transgressions involving Nittany Lions, cheese steaks and scrapple.

— Doug (“Doug Prescott Band”) Guild — rhymes with “the exiled wild styled child smiled.” Doug opened the Doors to us, and gives the audience all the rock and roll cliches they want, beginning with “I woke up this morning and got myself a beer.” Doug makes sure we measure up, and he has the skills to de-contaminate even the worst of our efforts. Doug is the good singer, the guy who plays bass, and the guy who wears sharp hats that don’t even look inappropriate on him.

— Pete (“Kitty Box and the Johnnies”) Gamble has unlocked the secrets of the lead guitar on many occasions, dazzling his friends. The year that Pete first starting playing killer lead guitar in bands happens to coincide with the invention of Easy Cheese, formerly known as Snackmate. A coincidence? We hardly think so. Pete’s inventiveness and versatility are the envy of dozens between here and Siler City. Pete hails from Connecticut by way of Bear Bryant.

— Larry Duckworth (“bands too numerous to enumerate”) can flat out percuss. He knows it all, kick, boom, thwack, ride, paradiddle, flam, more cowbell. He can’t be beat at finding the groove and keeps as all floating on a layer of rhymic comfort foam at all times. Larry hails from Charlotte, where he once ate Jim Baker’s dozen donuts.

— Tim Smith (“Big Celtic Fun”) likes to play folk and country music and here he plays that ole Nord Electro keyboard so we can have organ and wurly for the masses. Tim will chip in the occasional trumpet and keyless flute part, too. Ever since a Durham brass band paraded him out of his place of employment in 2015, Tim has been pestering the rest of the fellas into singing a few. At first it just sounded nasty. Now, after much thought, everyone concludes that it pretty much is. Tim hails from Central Illinois, a land where the main local products are corn, soybeans, and nosy neighbors.

— the Will Play for Beer Horns. Sometimes you just can’t contain the entertainment extravaganza that is the Orange County Allstars. For those occasions of crass explosiveness, we bring on the horns, in the person of Eric Kulz, Dorsey Worthy, and Berkely Grimball.

So where does “All Stars” come from? After spending a sixpack or two on market research, and a couple of bags of pork rinds on focus groups, we concluded there was absolutely no consensus on what the people wanted. So we just let Lance pick the name, and as he pondered he looked down and named us after his shoes. At first it was the Orange County 10 and 1/2 M All Stars, but that seemed too long.

*Orange County, North Carolina. Since 1752 named for the infant William V of Orange, or as some might say “William the 5th.” Historians debate whether William the 5th was named after whiskey or the standardization of whiskey bottles was due to William the 5th. Orange County, North Carolina, where people say phrases like “might could,” “I’ll tell you what,” and “yes, sir” and “how ’bout them Heels?” Orange County, where Hillsborough has an “ugh” but it is uncertain whether Chapel Hill has a hill. There are chapels, however.